Dead or Alive 6 Review Breakdown (Eurogamer SJW)

Editor’s Note: This is NOT a review of Dead or Alive 6. I haven’t played it, and I’m not a fan of fighting games. This is instead a new thing we’re gonna do when we feel it warranted to do so, breaking down a review written by a Social Justice Warrior that can’t help but think their retarded ideals must be adhered to at all times by everyone. This time around, the snowflake reviewer is Wesley Yin-Poole from Eurogamer. You can read his full review of Dead or Alive 6 by clicking here.

Dead or Alive 6 review: naff and likely to embarrass

It will only embarrass the professionally offended that can’t handle seeing a little bit of animated flesh (but also somehow think any game should have some LGBT friendly sex scenes in it).

Ah, Dead or Alive. The boob game. The kawaii cash grab. The Japanese fighter more famous for its bouncing breasts than its juggle combos. How has a new mainline Dead or Alive game come out in 2019? Did Team Ninja, a developer that I’d thought had reinvented itself with the superb Nioh, lose a bet with Koei Tecmo or something? However it happened, the result is a game that’s at best naff, at worst grim.

From the opening paragraph here it’s blatantly clear that this SJW has zero interest in the game, indeed doesn’t even think it should exist in current year, and is thus going to focus most of his review on the aspects of the game he deems unacceptable despite not being interested in the game or even the target audience for the game. Thus, people who are genuinely interested in the game, and not this guys feminist beliefs, will get nothing of value from this pointless “review.”

Dead or Alive 6 has endured a tiresome, weird bait and switch from the developers at Team Ninja. At reveal we were told the heavily sexualised female characters of old had been ditched in favour of a more realistic look in-line with heavy-hitting fighting. Series star Kasumi was shown wearing an outfit that covered her up and looked a bit like something a modern day ninja would wear to battle. You know, it was an outfit that made sense.

I will never understand the SJW obession with so called realism. The sexy characters shouldn’t wear almost nothing, because it doesn’t make sense to do so in a fight (I guess a shirt helps stop something somehow), but yet they always want to be inclusive and have 300lb women running around as special ops soldiers despite the fact that they couldn’t realistically do it.

The game itself, though, betrays this marketing spiel, exposing it for the lip service it always was. By default, the female characters’ breasts bounce around like balloons tied to string (you can turn this off in the settings).

So turn it off and shut up about it. Boobs bounce, who cares?

Physics are real, though I understand SJW’s have a hard time with science, facts, and realism.

The skimpiest outfits – some of which are nothing more than a pair of knickers and a bra – must be unlocked via playing the game. And Team Ninja has stuck with the icky camera free roam for victory poses. Make no mistake, Dead or Alive 6 is Dead or Alive, warts and all.

Oh no, not bras and knickers on fictional characters. Sounds like the target audience of the game, those who actually like the series, have something to enjoy and stuff to unlock as they play the game they like.

Icky camera? What are you seven? Or secretly Patrick Klepek?

Honoka, who according to her bio is an 18-year-old Japanese student but… come on… is low hanging fruit for thirsty kawaii fans. Similarly, Marie Rose, officially an 18-year-old Swedish maid, but, yeah… come on… is kitted out to be some sort of teen sex slave.

What is it with SJW’s and thinking any young female character, that is in any way sexualized, is secretly underage?

By the way, this is Marie Rose…

Not sure how you get teen sex slave out of that IF you’re a normal, sane person. There’s nothing offensive about this outfit or the character’s appearance in general.

Wrestler Tina Armstrong’s skimpy outfit at least makes some sort of sense, in a WWE diva kind of way, but her interactions with wrestling partner and father Bass give off more than a whiff of that most uncomfortable of relationships: Donald and Ivanka Trump.

Gotta get that Donald Trump reference in somehow, I guess? I’m not familiar with the characters, and thus don’t know their interactions, but considering its a wrestling character and I guess seems somewhat inappropriate, I would imagine Hulk and Brooke Hogan would be closer in the creepy department. But I get it, gotta bash Trump somehow.

I can’t help but feel embarrassed to have Honoka and Tina’s physics-defying boobs float about on my telly. Dead or Alive 6 is a video game that includes characters I steer clear of because of how grim they are. What a world.

What an idiot. Why is he reviewing this game? Why is he being paid to review this game?

Embarrassed by fake boobs bouncing around on a TV screen, yet probably jacking it every night to feminist or cuckold porn.

What a world indeed. I can’t help but feel embarrassed that there are people in this world who think a few slightly sexualized female characters in a video game are somehow “grim.”

What’s worrying is as you slog through the game’s nonsensical story you become desensitised to Dead or Alive 6’s creep factor, and you start to realise the game has other issues instead, like how naff it all is, how flat the art style looks and how poor the audio sounds. This is a game with expressionless, wrinkle-free faces that are either covered in sweat or lip gloss. There’s a blandness to Dead or Alive 6. Generations of consoles ago the series was a technical showcase. Now, compared to the colourful, joyous exuberance of Arc System Works’ Dragon Ball FighterZ, it just feels dreary.

Wrinkle free faces on mostly young characters that are covered in sweat or lip gloss. Females don’t sweat! Ick!

I guess if it were a 250lb old black woman wearing an dominatrix outfit to show how empowered she is, this would be a completely different review.

You can go read the rest of the review if you care, where he finally starts attempting to talk about the actual game and gameplay mechanics, but we’ll end on the closing note:

But accessibility and tutorials cannot compensate for what is, ultimately, a fighting game that feels out of the loop and out of time. Dead or Alive 6 won’t make a dent on the competitive fighting game community, and I can’t see it expanding its modest fanbase, either. I can’t help but struggle to understand those who get horny from this game when the internet in all its glory is a mobile phone tap away. I mean, there’s sexier stuff made out of Source Filmmaker – probably involving the Dead or Alive girls – than is in this game. Dead or Alive 6 stumbles into 2019 like a drunken uncle staggers onto the dancefloor at a wedding: past it and likely to embarrass.

Correction, it feels out of the SJW loop and SJW current year. Who cares if it expands its fanbase? Maybe the existing fans are just happy to have a new game in the franchise they enjoy.

Why is it that these folks assume people who play and enjoy these games somehow “get horny” over it? I’ll never understand the “why play this fighting game with sexy characters in skimmpy outfits when you can just go watch porn” argument. How does he know there’s sexier stuff made out of Source Filmmaker? Unless he’s been looking for it, in which case shouldn’t THAT be embarrassing?

And you know you’ve gone too far into SJW lunacy when even Kotaku, one of the worst sites out there, can give a decent review of the game and say stuff like this:

On the other end of the spectrum, those embarrassed by the mere idea of playing a Dead or Alive game in mixed company need not fear. There are no egregious upskirts. Bass hardly makes any inappropriate comments about men lusting after his daughter, Tina. The only character with a revealing starter outfit is Lisa, AKA La Mariposa, whose luchadora gear would look silly with a button-up over it. And if the bounce is still too much, it can be turned off in options, along with sweat, dirt and blood effects.

I’ve enjoyed the Dead or Alive series for more than two decades, but for most of that time I’ve been hesitant to admit it. Since Dead or Alive 3’s infamous “She kicks high” commercial, which portrayed fans as socially awkward perverts, it’s been hard to muster the will to try and convince folks the franchise is more than a showcase for breast physics. Now Dead or Alive 6 can do the convincing for me. It strips away the tawdry trappings of past installments, leaving a fabulous fighting game with compelling characters worth caring about.

So with that said from the Kotaku review, I guess Wesley here has gone full SJW retard to match the likes of Patrick Klepek… which should be embarrassing. And as we know…

^ RACIST BLACKFACE, REEEEE!

You failed miserably at writing any sort of fair review of Dead or Alive 6. Perhaps you should consider the people who come to your site and read the reviews might be interested in the game and not how it got your panties in a bunch over “grim” sexualiztion that even Kotaku admits really isn’t there.